From outsider looking in, to insider looking in
Like most fellow public servants, when I started off I was driven by a sense of mission to make a positive impact on the world. Similarly, I probably experienced a normal reality check during my first few years. I quickly found myself feeling like an outsider, frustrated and disoriented because so much of my work seemed ambiguous and impenetrably complex. I was confused and couldn’t see how my work actually made a difference.
In those early days, I struggled to reconcile my positive impressions of my colleagues – intelligent, thoughtful, capable, and well-meaning – with how arbitrary the work seemed. In retrospect, what I was feeling was a form of system shock, transitioning from an outsider, with a simplistic and idealised view of government, to an insider grappling with the practical challenges of adapting to and influencing a massive, shapeless system. The sheer scale, nested hierarchies, and systems of government are (still) overwhelming.
As my awareness has expanded, my perspective has evolved. A paraphrase that sums up my current thinking is that complexity is not something to be controlled, but to be understood. I've come to appreciate the meaning and purpose in the mundane, often boring processes that I didn’t grasp at the beginning. I started out craving strategic policy quests, but now I dream of consistent briefing processes, adaptive procurement frameworks, and corporate knowledge continuity.
While past Robbie wouldn’t understand, there is purpose and self-satisfaction to be found in becoming a cog. For cogs to fit together, there needs to be harmony and alignment – different shapes and sizes must flow together. Each component needs to be in sync, moving in concert with the others. Fitting into a niche that achieves orchestral harmony can be – when you’re able to see it – a source of awe rather than disempowerment.
So, while I’ve obviously lost my mind compared to my (ridiculously) grandiose graduate day plans, this analogy of government as a machine is also unsatisfactory. Organisations, like the individuals within them, are dynamic and ever-changing. As I've grown and evolved in my role, I’ve realised that we all – very much unlike cogs –adapt and adjust to the shifting landscape around us. On a much bigger scale, departments and governments are also in continual transformation, both internally and in response to the world beyond our siloes. It is one enormous organism, although often too slow and too big to notice much of the time.
For me, the Creative Bureaucracy Festival Australia and New Zealand hub is a way of bridging the enthusiasm and drive that attracted me to public service, with the appreciation of playing the long game. It’s much more of a collective pursuit. I hope to find kindred spirits – the "edge thinkers" and "provocateurs" – who navigate the challenges of the system while retaining their commitment, enthusiasm, and good humour.
This community is a space for us to share and learn from each other, and to improve our practices for being positive, creative and impactful bureaucrats, and supporting governments to serve the publics they represent.
